Understanding Consent in BDSM
Consent is the foundation of all ethical BDSM practice. Learn how to negotiate, communicate, and maintain consent throughout your kink journey.
What Makes Consent Valid?
Valid Consent
- • Informed about activities and risks
- • Given enthusiastically and willingly
- • Ongoing - can be withdrawn anytime
- • Specific to particular activities
- • Given by someone capable of consenting
Invalid Consent
- • Under influence of substances
- • Coerced or pressured
- • Based on incomplete information
- • Given out of fear or obligation
- • From someone unable to consent
Negotiation Process
Before Play
- • Discuss interests, fantasies, and curiosities
- • Establish hard limits (absolute no's)
- • Identify soft limits (maybe's or ask first)
- • Agree on safe words and signals
- • Plan aftercare needs
- • Set time boundaries and expectations
During Play
- • Regular check-ins and communication
- • Respect safe words immediately
- • Pay attention to non-verbal cues
- • Ask before escalating activities
- • Stay within negotiated boundaries
After Play
- • Debrief about the experience
- • Discuss what worked and what didn't
- • Update boundaries based on experience
- • Process emotions and reactions
- • Plan future activities
Safe Words and Signals
Common Safe Word Systems
G
Green
Continue, all good
Y
Yellow
Slow down, check in
R
Red
Stop immediately
Non-Verbal Signals
When speech is restricted, establish alternative signals like hand gestures, dropping an object, or specific sounds. Practice these before play.
Communication Tips
Be Specific
Instead of "I like bondage," say "I enjoy rope bondage on my wrists and ankles, but not around my neck or in positions that restrict breathing."
Use "I" Statements
Express your needs and feelings: "I feel uncomfortable when..." or "I would like to try..." rather than making assumptions about your partner.
Check for Understanding
Ask your partner to repeat back what they heard to ensure you're both on the same page about boundaries and activities.